Hidden Feelings
by Shiitake ken
Summary: The fear of ruining everything is too strong. That's why I will keep this feeling all to myself. A kind-of Christmas fanfic, late but better than never! Set after A's and before strikers


**Holla! It's almost a year since my last update lol. For those of you who remember me haha hi! xD**

 **Anyway, please enjoy this super late fanfic I made for Christmas. The truth is, I thought of not posting this, but it's a waste if I wouldn't so I recycled this and then change a few things. I'm not used to writing fics after a long break (not that I'm used to before) so please bare with some mistakes as you read this story. xD :)**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Magical girl lyrical Nanoha**

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 _I...want to see her..._

Laying in my bed with snow pouring outside, I realized that It's been four years since me and that brunette with beautiful amethyst eyes first met. When I think about it, we have so many precious memories, together. Just recalling those moments makes my heart flutter in unimaginable speed.

 _I will never forget those pair of hands who grabbed mine out of that cave..._

Because of her, I met a lot of different people who makes my everyday life so much fun. There's Lindy-san, who adopted me as her daughter, Chrono, Amy, Alisa, Suzuka, Hayate and many more who are all good to me. I never imagined I _could_ enjoy my life as it is right now... after the incident with my mother... I thought I don't deserve these kind of things...

 _"_ _Wait a minute... All I want to do is talk to you for a bit, Fate. I have an idea though. I'm not some spoiled kid, so if you wanna fight, let's fight. But if I win... Will you talk to me?"_

 _That idiot._

With a stupid smirk on my face, I stared at the ceiling thinking how those words hit me like lightning. I've never heard such an idiotic statement back then. I couldn't comprehend it. But for some reason, she attracted some interest in me.

 _She always were, and will always will. I know I've been attracted to her all this time._

This feeling... keeps growing and growing with years passing by... Those simple touches of hers were never the same... it sends chill to my whole body making those moments awkward when it is not supposed to. _It feels weird... but at the same time exciting... and frightening._ What if she doesn't feel the same? What if I'm the only one who feels this feeling? What if she felt disgusted when I revealed this feeling? What will happen to our friendship?

 _I must hide this feeling._

I should stop feeling this way.

 _Who am I kidding?_

From the beginning I know this feeling is unrequited. I could never stop loving her. But I can keep her from knowing this feeling. It's _easy_. I'll just act the same way as before. I'll help her if she needs me. I'll protect her if someone tried to hurt her. I'll be by her side... _until she found who she really needs._

 _It hurts though..._

I gripped the sheet of my bed as I smiled painfully all by myself in my dark, lonely room. _Until then... when she doesn't need me anymore... I..._

"Why the heck am I crying?" I murmured to myself laughing a little. "Jeez, I'm acting like a child" wiping the tears on my face, I buried myself on my blanket.

 _I want to see her._

With a light knock on the door, I heard Lindy-san's voice calling me.

"You have a visitor, Fate"

 _A visitor? In this kind of weather? You gotta be kidding me..._

I slowly stood up from by bed and went to the living room downstairs. _You gotta be kidding me._

"What are you doing here, Nanoha?" I said as normal as possible to the girl who clouded my mind a few moments ago.

She sheepishly smiled to me while lightly scratching the back of her head. "Well... about our math homework... c-could you help me?" _Homework? You could just call and settle it with another day. You shouldn't have come all the way here with this kind of weather._ That's what I wanted to say, if Lindy-san didn't interrupt us like a torpedo and let Nanoha climb upstairs and go to my room.

"Of course, Fate will help you! I'll bring you hot chocolates upstairs so go ahead."

Nanoha walked up to me with her notebook, still with that sheepish smile of hers. "Sorry for disturbing you, Fate-chan"

 _I wonder if there will be a time when I'll actually feel disturb when you're around._ "No, it's okay" I grabbed Nanoha's hand and lead her to my room. _Nah, I doubt that will happen._

We settled ourselves on the floor in front of the table and started scanning the homework Nanoha is talking about. _Nanoha having a problem on our homework? I couldn't even imagine that. Not with this homework at least._

"So where's the part you have a problem?" She scratched her cheek and slowly averted her eyes to me.

"Uhmm... n-nothing"

 _Huh?_

"I-I...I don't really have a problem with our homework"

I stared dumbly at her. Not quite understanding what she meant. "Then... why are you here?"

As soon as my question came out, she blushed like I've never seen before. "W-well you see...it's really cold and... I remember how warm you are and... I figured maybe I could come here and... h-hug you." _Am I dreaming? Am I drunk? Am I on drugs? If someone know please slap me on the face and bring me to reality. Wait, actually no. I want to enjoy this moment long-_

"Fate-chan?" I literally froze on the spot and couldn't give any reply to her. "I-I'm sorry... maybe I shouldn't have come after all"

Finally, my body stopped freezing and on instinct waved my hands in front of her. "N-no! It's okay! I don't have a problem with it!" _Of course I have a problem with it! My heart could not bear something like this!_

Not noticing my panicked expression, Nanoha suddenly jumped to me and hugged me tightly like a bear. She snuggled to my neck and I feel like I'm going to die at any moment right now. "I knew it! You're really warm, Fate-chan!"

 _But I'm freezing like an ice again, you know._

"You don't want to hug me back?" She murmured in my ears, making my body act on it's own. I slowly lifted my hands and wrapped it to the petite body with it's owner smiling ear to ear on my shoulder. "Body heat is really the best in this kind of weather, right?"

I slowly rested my head on her shoulder to secretly hide my burning face as I let a silent "yeah" escaped my mouth.

 _Keep my feelings to myself, huh? I wonder how long I will last..._

"You could just hug your mom, you know" I murmured to the girl I'm still hugging for body warmth. She just giggled to me and then sniffed a little my neck.

"That won't do, because I also want to see you" ... _please, don't act like that. I decided to keep this feelings just for myself._

"But we just see each other yesterday, you know" _says the one who want to see her just a moment ago._

"Hey, Fate-chan" she murmured on my shoulder pushing her body a little closer to mine. "There's a girl who has a best friend who is very beautiful but also has a cute side on her. The girl likes her best friend for a very long time now but she can't afford to confess her feelings" _What is Nanoha saying all of a sudden?_ My eyes widen a little because I don't like this kind of topic."She thought, what if my best friend doesn't like me back? What if... if I confessed this feeling, she will hate me and avoid me? What if our friendship will never be like it used to be?" As Nanoha continued her story... I can't help but gripped a little her shirt on the back. "And so, with the fear of all those what-if's, she decided to keep her feelings all by herself and pretended like everything's fine and normal" _Yes, that should what happen..._ Nanoha suddenly stopped the story and then slowly broke the hug to look at me in the eyes. "What do you think about her decision, Fate-chan?" I froze a little for I am not expecting her question. Looking on the ground, I answered her with sad eyes.

"I think she did the right thing. If all those what-if's were right, she could never bring back the friendship they built for years" _That's right, she made the right decision. I made the right decision._ "It's better to be on the safe side than to risk something that important, right?" I said as I looked up at her and smiled the best I could.

"You think so?" Nanoha replied returning the smile. "But you know Fate-chan... hiding a feeling is impossible" Nanoha closed the gap between us as she tried to reach for my face. "There will be a time when those feelings will just explode and then you won't be able to control it" she cupped my cheeks and I could feel the tenderness it sends to my whole body. _T-too close!_ "So for me, maybe she should just kiss her best friend and confess her feelings" only an inch apart between our faces, I could feel her sweet breath overlapping with mine... her rosy lips parting a little makes my heart thump in unimaginable speed "...right?"

 _*Knock*_

"Hey, Fate, Nanoha, I brought your hot chocolates!" Lindy-san said while holding two cups of hot chocolate in a tray. "Wait, are you two okay? You're both burning! Don't tell me you two caught a cold?!" She rushed towards us and put her hand on our foreheads.

"W-we're okay, don't worry" I said still blushing while glancing to Nanoha _She's also blushing really hard._

"Geez you two, don't make me worried!" Lindy-san said as she stood up and then walked towards the door. "If you need anything, I'm just downstairs" she winked and then closed the door. _What the heck is that wink for?_ I sighed as I finally looked towards the brunette who's still blushing hard beside me.

"Uhmm... Nanoha, about that story-"

"Ah! Nevermind that!" She interrupted with a flustered face "I think the ending of that story goes well, so forget it already, Fate-chan!" She took the cup of hot chocolate and then stared at it like nothing else mattered. "Besides, I think the girl in that story still confessed in the end"

"… I see" I replied getting my own cup of hot chocolate.

 _"There will be a time when those feelings will just explode and you won't be able to control it"_

 _Maybe that's true... maybe there will be a time when I will feel the need to confess this feeling..._

I looked to the brunette who's sipping her drink silently... I smiled a little as I found it a little bit cute. _But for now... let me enjoy this normal day like we used to. I will definitely be by your side even if you don't return this feeling._

….

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 **Again thank you for reading! Oh and that one person (iamme) asking for an update in 'Stranger's Love'...uhmm...haha...lol. If you're reading this, (I can't reply to you so create an account now dude xD) the truth is, I don't know what will happen to that story T.T writer's block hit me hard on that story T.T so I will not ask you to wait but I will still try to finish it T.T gomenasai.**

 **That's all! Don't forget to review and good night!**

 **Ja ne!**


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